Wise Wendy 💅🏻

Q: Dear Wendy, I am sad that I did not get on the Dean’s list even after I got a high SG this semester. What should I do about it?

A: Dear Reader, sometimes we should look at the bright side of things. For example, at least you didn’t lose sleep, didn’t sacrifice your social life, got enough physical activity, didn’t have to Suck up to profs and TAs, didn’t get anxiety attacks before exams … oh wait … maybe you should just write a mail thread.

Q: Dear Wendy, do you think FWB is realistically possible on campus?

A: “Research that matters” 👀

Q: Dear Wendy, what are the best couples make-out spots in college?

A: Dear reader, Check Moodle for Office Hours locations.

Q:Dear Wendy, How do I stop fantasizing about having a 0% attendance policy someday?

A: > cold showers
> Meditation
> OBH sessions

If you’re 19 and your friend group is discussing attendance policy instead of how to cheat on <redacted> are you even trying?

Q: Dear Wendy, I have 2 Ex-GFs. One is in BITS Pilani after taking a drop. One failed her UPSC first attempt. Both are sitting in front of me. How do I roast them? 

A: Dear reader, it seems like the Indian education system is already doing that for you. If you really wanted to, I would recommend doing it over a spit fire. Preferably using two skewers for a time of around 2 hours at moderate heat.

Q: Dear Wendy, is this stuff anonymous?

A: Dear reader, this is totally anonymous. Your responses are only shared to your batch’s parents group, your IMS portal and your CIA handler.

Q: Dear Wendy, how can we have better discourse about the political and economic state of the world?

A: Dear reader, I think you should always keep in touch with CP and DSA. Keep your CG high and try to get a paper out soon. Join labs with impactful research and work with profs with great LoRs, and try to get into a good masters or PhD programme. If there’s one thing we can learn from Indian politics, it’s that thinking for ourselves is much too important to be handled by anyone except mediocre people in arts colleges. 🙂

Q: Dear Wendy, I like 3 people simultaneously. Am I wrong for this?

A: No, definitely not. In fact, you should aim higher. If you have 7 you’ll have someone new to fantasize about every day of the week. Consider making a group chat to tell them.

Q: Dear Wendy, why is everyone bullying me about cheating on every academic endeavour I have ever undertaken? 

A: Dear reader, I think you come from a great line of seniors who have utilized AI to its full potential in competitive programming contests. It is on the shoulders of such giants that the coding culture of our college rests, so I do not think you should be disheartened by the haters. Linkedin is the real platform to optimize, who cares about reddit incels?

✨ Prom Night

Q: Dear Wendy, how do I ask out a senior girl? She’s way out of my league. I feel either she will get angry if I confess (she can crush me if she wishes to, given she is taller than me) or she will just call me cute and move on 😭

A: Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

Q: Dear Wendy, should I go to prom? I am a gay UG1 girl who likes her girl roommate too much.

A: Dear reader, Wendy personally recommends you to take your shot. Historians are going to call you roommates anyways.

Q: Dear Wendy, how to Faccha/Facchimax for prom?

A: Dear reader, there are a couple of strategies that have a proven record of working in the previous years. Depending on your transcript, you may find a suitable first year course to TA (bonus points if this is CPro). If the academic ethical complications of TA student relationships are not your vibe, consider abusing other positions of responsibility by becoming a part of the Apex body (there are a lot of new openings here recently) or a Club coordinator. If all else fails, (and this only works if you’re a current UG1), you can try repeating the year and approaching early over discord. Hope this helps!