This article is a work of fiction for the purposes of satire. Any resemblance to any real event of person(s) is fictitious and only loosely based on reality.
Two second-year students have been caught after a fresher complained about the online ragging they were being subjected to. They allegedly forced students to come on their Minecraft server and stand on 1×1 block, and then talk about “tune minecraft me kya ukhaada hai”. One fresher, who wished to remain anonymous spoke at length about his experience. “When I told them I was uncomfortable, they came and destroyed my entire recreation of the Leaf Village using TNT. Later one senior said that I am like his younger brother, and sent me 30 rupees on GPay to drink an Oreo Shake.” The senior, when reached for comment, has this to say “I think it’s wrong to call it ragging. We were interacting with the juniors to teach them about respect. But then, he started flexing his hoe (Editor’s note: the gardening tool), and I think he needed to be taught his place.” A picture was taken by our associate photographer of this event.
Minecraft servers weren’t the only location where such condemnable events took place. Seniors also reportedly forced freshers to hold grenades and drive around in cars in PUBG. Thankfully, some fresher reported this incident to apex, and Srinath Nair of UG-3 was able to take the game down (and also be the MVP of the particular game). When reached for comment, Srinath said that IIIT is a safe place for all students and that freshers should be aware of their rights and powers. “If any fresher feels uncomfortable, they can leave the game. Obviously, leaving the games a lot may lead to banning, so a line has to be drawn. Regardless, Apex is always there to help. Any fresher can feel free to DM any Apex, regardless of her gender.”
However, not all interactions were of an ill-nature. Several seniors have been installing Ubuntu on fresher’s laptops. Regular club sessions are taking place, and the batch party recently happened online. One senior, however, was not pleased. “Batch parties shouldn’t happen like this. It is about celebrating the rite of transforming from a school student to a college student. It loses the most important component if it happens online: large amounts of alcohol.”
The seniors were initially supposed to be expelled from their hostel for this semester, but at some point, some professor realized the futility of that and forced them to attend Toastmasters sessions in the form of punishment. Our sources tell that those two are now looking for freshers to give their proxies in these sessions. Bonda! Will continue to bring such cutting edge news to you, regularly (since we are independently funded). Feel free to stick to college blogs for yet another congratulatory message to some professor.
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