A Tale of Toilets

Toilets… the backbone of student life, nay, society. With IIIT having some of the best and some of the worst (but mainly the worst) toilets, this sh*t article will serve as a much-needed guide around campus.

After conducting a thorough review of most of the (Gents’) toilets on campus, and getting weird glances from people who saw me taking notes and murmuring “Hmmm, nice, very nice”, I have prepared a five-point scale that measures,

1. Sanitation, the sanitary conditions of the toilets,
2. Population, the number of people using it,
3. Dimension, the size of an individual toilet, including the area surrounding it,
4. Aggregation, the number of toilets, and,
5. Dissociation, the distance from students.

Bakul

Ah, Bakul washrooms, the stuff nightmares are made of. Living on the first floor, I am fortunate enough to have access to two western toilets in my corridor. The other floors? Not so much.

In general, the resident to western toilet ratio is 50 to 1. A rather terrifying fraction – it would amount to a waiting time of 125 minutes if people didn’t have varying sleep schedules. Even then, the real waiting time of about 10 minutes in the mornings results in the population and aggregation scores being at a meagre 1 out of 5.

Despite the staff working regularly to offset the daily damage done by the nivasis, there are cobwebs in multiple places (I have an eight-legged shower buddy). The absence of soap and filthy footprints after 8 AM make the sanitation score rate one and a half.

The toilets are just fifty meters away from the farthest rooms, and the dimensions are in the range of 2 feet by 3 feet. So, dimensions and dissociation from student clusters are perfect fives.

Update for Facchas – It’s no longer as bad as it used to be 🙂

There are about 6 western toilets on each floor now.

Parijat

I tried, but they didn’t let me in. I tried again, and they threatened me with disco. Sighs…

Huh? Yeah? Raid?! What do you mean raid?

OBH

Probably isn’t the safest place for me to be. Yet, I visited the washrooms… and was greeted by one that hasn’t been renovated. It was a terrifying sight.

Imagine a government building, except that it isn’t a building, but a roadside Dhaba on a highway. Get it? No? Alright, ****n *****h (censored on request) explained it rather well –
dimly lit, stinky, cramped up. It’s repulsive to think about. However, with there being one for every twelve rooms, it isn’t burdened with heavy footfall like Bakul.

Here are the results – Dissociation: 5, Aggregation: 2, Population: 4, Sanitation: 1 and Dimension: 2.

Vindhya

Level 1

What can I say except for lovely? The ones near the workspaces were nice until hundreds of students started coming in daily.

*Proceeds to rant about how there was no soap for three days…*

Out of the three toilets, two are functional, with one of the functional ones always being flooded by water from somewhere. Still, pretty clean, at 3 out of 5 in sanitation. It’s very close to Vindhya Canteen and isn’t too far from Himalaya either, leading to a dissociation score of 3 out of 5, again. The dimension score is 4, however, and the aggregation and population scores are 1s since it caters to close to a hundred students daily with just two toilets.

Level 2

Level 2’s a bit muddled up. Why? The washrooms aren’t marked. I almost entered the wrong one the first time. The fact that the washroom above the gents’ washroom on level 2 is the ladies’ washroom (marked) on level 3 adds to the confusion.

There are 2 western toilets which are both 75% functional. In the one in which the commode works fine, the jet doesn’t; and in the one where the water jet works, the commode spews water – clear water that comes out from a hole in the water storage part and is directed away from the user. The toilet stalls themselves are very big and it is the cleanest toilet I have seen on campus – receiving perfect fives in both sanitation and dimension. Aggregation is a 2 out of 5, and dissociation is a 4, with it being right outside TL3. Finally, the population is 5, since the toilets don’t work properly, so very few use them.

Level 3

And finally, level 3. Nestled in the dimly lit corridor outside SH1, lies this magnificent beauty. By far the best toilets in Vindhya, but only open to those willing to brave the shadow people.

Three toilets, not a soul in sight and regular cleaning give it perfect scores in all factors except for dissociation and sanitation. It has a rather peculiar scent, neither good nor bad, that gives it a score of 4 in sanitation. Moreover, the ordeal of climbing up three flights of stairs and walking across A block to C block, assuming one enters from Himalaya, grants it a low 1 in dissociation.

Himalaya

Very close to the classrooms, at about 70 feet, the dissociation of Himalaya washrooms is at a 4. Though they are very clean, the sanitation is at a 4, with a decrease of 1 from a perfect score due to cobwebs that I found. The population is a surprising 5, owing to the fact that most ignore its existence. Aggregation is a 3, equal to the number of toilets in each washroom, and the dimensions are gargantuan – a perfect 5.

KCIS

The washrooms here are consistent with two to three decent western toilets, i.e., perfect fives in the dimension rating. Granted, the ones in KCIS have a special vibe to them with their scented air and marbled walls that are marvelous to look at. As the old man said – usability is all that matters, and the washrooms in KCIS are just as functional as the ones in Himalaya.

But, aren’t we all suckers for olfactory pleasure? This and the fact that there were no insects gives it a score of 5 in sanitation. Perfectly situated for all those researching in KCIS, MLL, and whatnot, the dissociation is also a perfect 5. All the other parameters rank the same as that of the Himalaya washrooms for the general populace.

Nilgiri

Who even uses these? Frankly, I wasn’t even aware of their existence until I decided to check out Nilgiri. They are decent. 

I must add a disclaimer for the directions to the washrooms in Nilgiri before presenting the statistics –

One would assume that the door marked by the green arrows is the gents’ washroom (on the ground floor), thinking that it isn’t marked like in Vindhya level 2. This isn’t the case and the actual washroom lies near the blue rectangle.

The washrooms aren’t crowded (population: 5), very hygienic (sanitation: 4), have four Western toilets (aggregation: 4), slightly cramped up stalls (dimension: 3), and would have been far away from civilization without the labs (dissociation: 2)

Ending at Nilgiri, all the washrooms I reviewed have been presented. With the conclusion of the article, I have an algorithm that can and should be used for visiting the washrooms,

• The best one? Vindhya Level 3
• The cleanest one? Vindhya Level 2.
• The cleanest and most functional one? KCIS.
• The most accessible ones? The ones in the hostels.
• Just for the vibes? Nilgiri.
• Want to summon CthulhU ? OBH old washrooms.

Perhaps you might remember that I took one for the team when the need arises.

Footnotes – 

Cthulhu 

Editor: Ainesh Sannidhi