Wise Wendy - Ping

Academics

I feel that I am extremely slow in my PhD research. I moved to system building and it was a bold decision. How do I pace up now?

Forget building systems, build relationships. Good, meaningful, ecstacy-inducing relationships. With your PhD advisor. The thesis will come before you know it.

What are the questions that are going to come for my BEC Mid-Semester examination?

The big question that will come to you – “Why didn’t I study before?” :'(. “Is it too late to drop out of college now?”, “Could I get away with murder?”, “How easy is it to fake mental illness?” are also possibilities.

Love

I have fallen head over heels for somebody one year junior to me. Should I make a move or wait?

You’re a senior for God’s sake. Go ahead, make the healthy interactions less healthy, I’m sure no one minds. Breaking the ice with a junior is a piece of cake, anyway.

Will I get a boyfriend?

Unlikely. Extremely unlikely. Given the scanty number of boys in college and their absolute unwillingness to be in relationships, this not only seems hard, it seems downright impossible. You can always explore the other side of the spectrum though. 😉

How do I decide if I need my boyfriend? Help me decide his utility.

I’m surprised you haven’t learnt this yet. Here’s a simple function to help you with this:

U(BF) = D/S+U(C)/100+len(P_BF)/avlen(P)

Desirability, D=number of girls hitting on him; Insecurity, S=number of girls he’s hitting on, Utility of Commitment, U(C)=A+F; A= % of courses he can help with, F=% of your expenses he handles. From the latest studies, avlen(P)=13.12cm. The rest you can figure.

Ideally, I prefer U(BF)>3, but you can pick your own standards. 🙂

College

Why are the BSD and EHD branches not there anymore?

Building sciences and humanities have no place in our institute. Neither do the natural sciences, for that matter. Thumb rule: If you can’t code it, it does not belong.

Where in IIIT is the best place to hide a dead body?

In the IHS classes. They’re practically graveyards, with the many dead bodies you can find there. KCIS is another decent option. What with the roof already fallen, we don’t know how long the rest of the building will last anyway.

General

Is communism better than capitalism?

Think about it this way, do you prefer knowledge being shared or being possessed by a privileged few? In other words, is having written assignments better than OJ?

How do I get these Art of Living cultists to stop spreading propaganda?

Sit back, be calm, take a few deep breaths, meditate. And then drug yourself into doing fucking nothing because that is the solution to all life problems – this included.

Are all guys straight?

They curl in front with pain when they are kicked in certain places, but yeah, mostly all straight.

Why is 42 the answer?

Because the question is “How old is the oldest (known) dual degree undergrad still on campus?”

Rest

Ping should not advertise this. This is just wrong.

I agree, and I agree. I have absolutely no problem living with a guilty conscience though. So, what is your question?

Why are the editors of Ping such assholes?

The Ping editors have a long history, almost a legacy of being assholes. It comes from the shit that they have to deal with. Oh, and sometimes they also get fucked badly. Even if they don’t start off as assholes, they have to adapt.

Would you like to grab some dinner with me?

Sure, as long as I get different plates for my veggies and meat. 🙂

Do you want to hook up?

If your utility is greater than 3 based on the aforementioned utility function. Don’t lie about the len(P_BF). I can almost always tell. Oh, and if you’re not a guy, just your bank credentials will do.